ESSAY: A LITTLE R & R AT A B & B

Recently I stayed at an award-winning Bed and Breakfast in Montreal. My friend made the accommodations. Unfortunately, she was confused about the interactive nature of B & B’s. We were looking for some place quiet, private and out of the way, and she thought she had found just the ticket. Even though we were both on vacation, I needed to write and she needed to study for a work exam. Her now ex-friend, Brenna, highly recommended a place: let’s call it “Chez Bachelor.”

When we arrived in the bustling city neighborhood where “Chez Bachelor” was located, we realized we had not achieved the “out of the way” part. My friend, Cheryl, whispered: “I hope he doesn’t have a dog,” and rang the bell. “Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip!” answered the occupant. (The stereotype is true: all B & B’s are required to have dogs.) OK, Frou Frou, a toy poodle, was exceptionally cute, I’ll give her that, but she was still a dog. The Bachelor, on the heels of Frou Frou, gave us a warm* welcome in near-flawless English, but immediately informed us that we couldn’t park our car in front of his house.
“Then where do we park?” asked Cheryl, used to nothing but valet parking.
“You see that car down there?” squinting and pointing three uphill blocks away. “And you have to move it to the other side of the street after 9AM tomorrow morning.”
The Bachelor began inventorizing our belongings as he helped us unload: “So, you have a special IBM laptop? And a digital video camera?”
The Bachelor was omnipresent, so Cheryl and I had precious little opportunity to even exchange panicked glances. At one point she was able to hiss to me: “He was wearing a suit and tie on his website”--a far cry from the T-shirt and beer gut we were now treated to.
Once inside the funkily remodeled old house, we were briefed. We were instructed that we could empty our cooler only into “our side” of the fridge (a hole the size of three grapefruits) because the rest of the fridge was “his side.”
The “home cinema” advertised on the website turned out to be a 20-inch TV located in the Bachelor’s basement living quarters, with the full run of his violent video collection.
“But you can’t use it tonight, ladies. Tonight is boys’ night!” The Bachelor was having some buddies over to watch the hockey game. Incidentally, the “cinema” was located directly under Cheryl’s bedroom. “Oh, and don’t be alarmed if you hear some noise early in the morning. That’s just the construction on the back of the house.” Sure enough, Cheryl snapped up her window shade and came nose to nose with a backhoe. “So keep your windows shut so the dirt won’t get inside.”
The Bachelor didn’t offer, so I asked for our room keys, which turned out to be faulty skeleton keys that sometimes worked after five minutes of fiddling in the hack-job keyholes. My room was monikered the “Julliard Room” after a French comic book artist whose art adorned the walls. Cheryl’s room was “Mother Nature,” we’re not sure why, maybe because of the backhoe, or maybe because her bathroom had no shower, only a broken whirlpool.
*read: touchy-feely
After the tour, we sat for a few minutes in the living room making nice. The Bachelor noticed I took a shining to Frou Frou and hinted that she liked to sleep in my bed. I told him I only like dogs during the day. He told us we could use his computer—and I quote-- “in case we wanted to email our family and friends and tell them that the guy’s not a jerk.” I pierced my own tongue. When we inquired how he knew English so well, he told us he owed it all to Captain Kangaroo and English TV from the States. We were then treated to a rapid-fire recitation of 70’s breakfast cereal jingles. Like a broken record, and in an uncannily perfect cartoon voice, The Bachelor got stuck on: “I go for Cocoa Puffs! Go for Cocoa Puffs!” Cheryl asked where she could plug in her laptop into the internet and was told he only had dial-up and she couldn’t plug in because she would knock out his business phone. So much for her exam.

The Bachelor’s mastery of the English double-entendre in Cheryl’s direction was so proficient that, in an effort to drum up some respect in her direction, I told him she was a senior analyst with IBM. He was impressed, but in a backfiring sort of way. A female geek? What a turn-on! He stepped-up his doublespeak. The Bachelor’s rating rose to 82 on my infallible creep-o-meter.

Breakfast was mandatory and at 8AM sharp. The solitary menu item: crepe suzettes.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” asked The Bachelor, but before we could respond, he had planned our day. “It’s going to be a beautiful day tomorrow, so you must go to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow, not Friday when it’s going to rain.” (Did we say anything even remotely regarding a taste for horticulture?) By now The Bachelor had discovered that I was from L.A. and doing some screenwriting. He called his cousin, a local TV producer, and handed me the phone. The Bachelor’s Cousin tried to set up an appointment with me. I got his phone number and left it vague.
“Oh, and one last thing: Television Quebecois will be here tomorrow morning also. They’re doing a feature on B & B’s.”
I don’t know about Cheryl, but I had “What About Bob?” interview-wrecking fantasies in my head. It could be payback time.

In a desperate attempt to get out of the Bachelor-zone and regroup, we asked for recommendations for supper. He gave us a card for a bistro: “La Potion Magique: Amour, Passion, Fraicheur.” Mon Dieu, what do they serve, aphrodisiacs? We thanked him and high-tailed it to a cafeteria where we planned our escape. We asked the waiter about reasonably-priced hotels downtown. It turns out the hotels are rated more by the loudness of the streets they’re on. He was more familiar with the noisy bar-infested streets. Maybe Montreal just isn’t for the first part of R & R. We decided to give the B & B a go for one night.

When we returned to “Chez Bachelor,” Cheryl asked Frou Frou’s owner if he could turn on the AC in her room. He followed her into her bedroom and had a hard time finding his way out. Finally, Cheryl told him off, accusing him of misleading us to believe it would be quiet here and we would have the whole house to ourselves and now there was the hockey game and construction going on, etc., etc. I listened through my locked door, fingers hovering over the keypad of my cell phone: neuf, une, une. “Don’t provoke him when we have to spend the night here!” I thought, trembling. The Bachelor defended himself: “Well, I don’t know if you’ve ever owned a house, but you can’t predict when workmen will actually show up. Besides, you’re just thinking of the bad things and getting yourself all upset.” Then he commanded: “Think positively!” After he retreated to his cellar lair, I poked my head out of my door to examine his permit from Tourisme Quebec that was hanging on the wall: 2000-2001. It had expired! I called my mother in Boston and left a mysterious message: “Ma, here’s my address…. If I don’t call you at 8AM tomorrow morning, you call me, OK? I just want you to know I love you.”

Needless to say we had a restless night in the award-winning establishment, waking up at every sound. (Just what were the awards for, anyway?) Maybe it was the crepe suzettes, but even they couldn’t redeem this situation.

As promised, Cheryl was jolted into a 7AM morning by the construction guys’ chainsaws, but the breakfast conversation was the last straw. The Bachelor told us that before running the B & B he used to work for the government in a department where a lot of ex-prisoners work. Then he began telling us about one of his favorite movies: a Belgian film about “a serial killer who kills with no remorse….” His voice trailed off and his eyes glassed over. I choked on my last suzette and Cheryl’s café au lait went up her nose.

Maybe our fears were exaggerated and everything was just a coincidence, but the creep-o-meter was on orange alert. Wild horses and toy poodles couldn’t make us brave another night at Chez. Who knows when The Bachelor would snap? Maybe he was just biding his time, making us relax because we made it through the first twenty-four hours. Maybe he was planning a fate worse than death: We would be sold into slavery or have our organs trafficked.

Being a nun often comes in handy. The old “Mother Superior said…” tactic still holds great sway. After spending the day out, we blew into “Chez Bachelor” in a whirlwind and began packing.
Me: “An emergency came up! We just got a call from…(theme from “Jaws”)…Mother Superior!” (Little do most know that today, Mother Superior is often younger, more jolly, kind and carefree than her subjects.)
Bachelor: (gasps) “What’s wrong?”
Cheryl: “There’s been a misunderstanding about Sister’s vacation time. She’s been recalled back to the convent immediately.”

Not even The Bachelor will question a statement like that. We loaded the car by ourselves in jig time (leaving our fridge-food behind), gladly paid for our unused rooms, waved au revoir, and sped out of our non-parking spot into the dark, never so grateful that Motel 6 was leaving the light on for us.

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ESSAY: AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL MORNING PEOPLE OF GOOD WILL

Dear Morning People,

Good Day. I, the undersigned, a Non-Morning Person, am writing to you on behalf of all Non-Morning People (NMP’s) across the globe--whatever time zone they suffer in--to tell you: We’re not gonna take it any more!!!

You Morning People are living in the past, in some idyllic bygone era where people rose and set with the sun. Well, if I may borrow an expression of yours: Wake up and smell the coffee! Why do people who live in concrete metropolises follow an agrarian timetable? Huh? Ever hear of the Industrial Revolution? How about the Computer Age? Why do you think we have electricity and lightbulbs? So we can create our own sunlight--when we want it and for however long we want it. Don’t think we have been fooled by your callous compromise, your patronizing piffle, your crumb of concession: Daylight Savings Time. Daylight Savings Time is a poor excuse for fulfilling your God-given mandate to “subdue the earth.” We know who you want to subdue. As a matter of fact, you make us actually lose a whole hour of sleep each year. Who knows, you guys are probably responsible for global warming, crop circles and breast cancer too. (Never trust anyone who gets up before the solar system.)

You see, I believe there are more of us than there are of you. I propose a worldwide census be taken of the number of MP’s versus NMP’s. It is time for the silent majority to stand up and be counted! “I am sleeping, hear me snore, in numbers too big to ignore!” will be our anthem. The plan is simple. The census could be taken by the underdogs, the NMP’s, at 6AM every morning. (The sacrifice will be well worth it, pavement pounders!) All we need to do is see who’s up. I mean really up. I mean working-in-the-garden-power-walking-up. (Bedraggled flannel at the end of a leash doesn’t qualify.) Ah, that would be some reckoning. When you find out how few you really are, MP’s, you will tremble and come crawling to us begging for mercy, begging us not to put you in neighborhood compounds where the streetlights never go out and alarmclocks beep incessantly and all they ever serve is breakfast and everything is just sunny, sunny, sunny.

To add insult to injury, you--the morning oligarchy--not only impose your dictatorial horariums on us, but you even mock us as we attempt to comply with them. Don’t tell me you have never tittered, nay, guffawed at some poor, bleary, mole-like NMP stumbling through his/her morning routine, babbling incoherently. Don’t tell me you haven’t asked them Important Questions or started Deep Intellectual Conversations with them at ungodly hours--i.e., 9AM--just to enjoy their stupor. We NMP’s never get to retaliate because just when our enzymes, endorphins and eyelids start kicking in--about 10:30PM--you MP’s yawn and slink away to your lairs where I am sure you clandestinely bumble
--much like we do in the AM--only you’re out of sight behind locked doors and in nightlight-lit bathrooms. You don’t have to face 1,000-watt bulbs, breakfast tables, halogen lamps, traffic jams, UV rays and business meetings when you’re not at your friskiest. Oh no, fuzzy wuzzy slippers and the cushy wushy privacy of bedrooms for weary and beleaguered MP’s, and we feel sorry for you because you’re “exhausted.” Well, how do you think we feel at 10:30AM? We’re roadkill too! Ah, but he who laughs last laughs best! What if we installed hidden infrared, nightvision cameras in your homes and then ran “America’s Funniest Morning People at Night” on national TV? Don’t dare us.

The difference between you and us is that when your heads are pounding and the room is spinning like you have vertigo, when momentary amnesia and Alzheimer’s strike, when you feel like someone with a hangover who just got hit by a Mac truck, you get to go to bed. We have to face the world. And to mollify your woes, you have Nyquil and Sealy Posturepedic. For us, nothing works, not coffee, not cold water, not even the cheerful, hearty banter of MP’s. Our natural state is sleep, and we are only awake with great effort. (Caffeine and gastrointestinal discomfort can help too.) Actually, we are beginning to wonder if MP’s shouldn’t be the subject of an investigation by the FBI or CIA. Rumors circulate that you are all really aliens that don’t need sleep and are just faking it. You plan to take over the planet by extreme sleep deprivation of its inhabitants. Maybe our rights can be protected by a SPCNMP (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Non-Morning People).

Look, we take the view that humans are nocturnal, at least our segment of the population. And what’s so terrible about that?

Some Famous Night People:
Dracula
the Shadow
Cinderella
her pumpkin
the Great Pumpkin
Mr. Hyde
the Sandman
Judas

Some Famous Night Animals:
owls
skunks
raccoons
bats
anteaters
kiwis
mosquitoes
slugs

You Morning People think there’s something noble, holy and virtuous about actually getting out of bed before high noon, as is evidenced by your smarmy little maxims: “Early to bed, early to rise....” and “The early bird gets the worm.” Well, you know what? Sunrises are overrated. And you know what else? We’re the ones who actually greet the morning, not you. I’ll bet most of you have never seen a shooting star, a lunar eclipse, the aurora borealis, the Halebop Comet, or the U.S.S .Enterprise shimmering in the night sky. Well, neither have we, but what are your chances even? We may be too catatonic to watch your informative morning news shows, but you’re all a bunch of stiffs when we’re watching our informative late night talk shows. I’ll bet you’ve never seen colorbars on so many channels at one time, or a flock of sheep herded into a live studio audience and then out onto the streets of New York City and into a cab!

Whether you believe it or not, we are perky conversationalists too. You just never hear us because by the time we have progressed from our morning zombie silence to our afternoon grizzly growls to our effervescent evening eloquence, you’re asleep and we have to keep our voices down.

In conclusion, I say to all you Non-Morning People: We have just begun to fight! Don’t shoot until you get the red out of your eyes! We live in the Morning People’s world, but we will live free or die! Resistance is not futile! Never surrender!

To all Morning People of Good Will I offer this Ultimatum: Back off us Non-Morning People or we will be forced to create our own time zone, perhaps in Greenland. And if you really get our dandruff up, you leave us no other alternative than to drop out of the workforce for six months of the year and hibernate--no, make that: “at the least provocation we will go into hibernation.”

Trucefully yours,

Sr. Helena Burns, FSP, NMP

“He who blesses his neighbor with a loud voice,
rising early in the morning,
will be counted as cursing.”
--Proverbs 27:14

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THEOLOGY OF THE BODY AND “PATRIARCHY"

Fr. Thomas Loya, June 12, 2010

[Sr. Helena's overabundant, opinionated, intrusive comments in brackets.]

In Theology of the Body, you can't talk about men without talking about you can't talk about women without talking about men.

In the latest issue of "Atlantic Monthly," the cover story is "The End of Men?" According to the article, women are basically taking over everything. Many traditionally male jobs such as manual labor are no longer the way that industry and business are going. Men feel inadequate and so they act immaturely and women just move on without them.

There's an inset to the article that questions: "Are Fathers Necessary?" The conclusion is: there is nothing essential about men (except sperm, which can just be gotten from a donor bank), but we'll let Dad stay because we've gotten used to him. [Insert any sitcom premise here. Since men are socialized by externals as Fr. Loya always says, what message are young men getting about the father of the family through popular media? E.g., "Family Guy," "Two and a Half Men"?] [Define "essential." Just what is Dad's "essence"? Is it only about reproduction? How about raising kids? How about being a husband?]

The article claims that there are no studies that show children are better off in a home with a parent of each gender or in a two-parent home for that matter. [Cow patties! Define "better off." Often, "better off" is measured in functional, rudimentary or market terms: Did the child graduate from school and get a good job? Stay out of jail?] Fr. Loya also says that a comparison can't be made here between "heterosexual marriage" and "gay marriage" because there's no such thing as "gay marriage." [Sr. Helena challenges these so-called "studies." Dale O'Leary does a lot of work/research in the field of gender, and reads all the footnotes and fine-print. She says that these so-called studies are often nothing of the kind, and even the findings they point to—which no one reads—are actually saying something opposite! You can Google her books.][Sr. Helena thinks this article may really coming from a gay activist source, because there are individuals and organizations who do nothing but push acceptance of "alternative lifestyles" from all different innocent-seeming angles. There are groups in Hollywood that make sure there is a sympathetic gay character on every show. Sr. Helena thinks that the recent spate of strange, totally out-of-the-blue, highly-publicized same-sex celebrity kisses are also carefully engineered.]

We hear the statement: "The Church is patriarchal." We don't stop and capture each word (like we should in TOB!) and so we put our head down and start apologizing: "Oh, I know. I'm so sorry. Maybe someday when we have a different pope things will be better," etc., etc. But instead of "running through" words and sentences like our opponents want us to do, we need to not go "across" the words, but "down." Plumb the depths of the words. What do they really mean? Make the person saying them stop and think about them. Question them about what each words means.

PATRIARCHY—comes from "patris" meaning "father." Are fathers bad? If some are, does that mean we say that all fathers are? Are fathers supposed to be bad? What are fathers really supposed to be? [If you hear some music that you don't like, does that mean all music is bad? If you like jazz and you hear some bad jazz bands, does that mean all jazz is bad? Like, why would you identify the ABUSE of something as the THING itself? Unfortunately, some people's experience of father has just been so distorted and sad. It is all they've ever known. BUT, how did they know it was a BAD experience? That the father was BAD? They must have SOME CONCEPT OF WHAT A GOOD FATHER SHOULD BE.] "Father" SHOULD be the warm part of the word.

What should a father be?
guide, provider, protector, model for son, shows daughter whom to marry, shows family what God the Father is like, order, authority [and upholder of his wife's authority, "The Lord…confirms a mother's authority over her sons." Sirach 3:2 ] From physiology, men/fathers are sacrificial, spending themselves for their families, planting the seed.

"-archy" means "overseer," like "overarching." It also means ruler, author, initiator. Are these bad things? This is the colder part of the word.

Fr. Loya has a book written by a dude who was part of a group of Evangelicals who converted to Orthodoxy: "Missing from Action—Vanishing Manhood in America." Excerpt: "When men don't THINK and DO THEOLOGY (and not just do commerce and work), they leave theology up to feminine piety." [Or, rather, simply, women. Sr. Helena could not agree more. She always found Evangelical men more attractive than Catholic men because they actually knew something about their faith and could articulate it. Catholic men seemed always to "celebrate their ignorance" of the Faith, even if they were very faithful to Catholic practices. However, Sr. Helena thinks that TOB is giving Catholic men a voice to their faith; TOB is making theology concrete, interesting, fascinating and do-able to the common layman.]

The book goes on to say that theology is a (manly) man's task (that men need to take up!) [Not that women can't "do" theology, but there is that divine order in creation where the man "initiates," even spiritually. Even her most radical feminist days, Sr. Helena always thought it was stupid that women objected to men (exclusively) preaching to women in church, because Sr. Helena a) basically liked what men had to say and how they said it b) women are perfectly capable of finding their own voice—preaching in church is just ONE locus and form of discourse c) men have no control over how we HEAR what they say and what we do with it, and we can't help but hear/receive/process as the women that we are (even though she had very little clue what it really meant to be a woman at that point). The great Sr. Thea Bowman, FSPA, when asked about "women's ordination" said: "I can preach anywhere I want. On the street, in the home, in the school, in the workplace, on the bus. And who are you going to listen to first, anyway? A man in a white dress in a pulpit or yo Momma?"]

The "Atlantic Monthly" article went on to say that since women are outnumbering men in college now (studying), there are campaigns to recruit men for college. (Used to be the opposite.) Many boys/men don't like school because it may not be the way men learn (it may be feminized in its approach, also with more and more female teachers). [Sr. Helena also thinks it has to do with guy's socialization: Do other men value an intellectual man—beyond technological geeks?] Same-sex schools are helpful so that guys can concentrate on academics.

Men were created first [in first account of Creation in the Bible. JP2G says we have to read BOTH accounts of Creation together because they explain each other and are not contradictory]. Why? He was given authority so that the order of love and life could thrive. Even in the Trinity, there is a hierarchy of sorts, a divine order. The Father is the Source! Jesus' whole life was about revealing the Father and doing the will of the Father.

The way men pick up babies is very different from the way women do it! They hold the baby out so the baby feels that he/she is not just cuddled/nurtured by the mother, but also is on his/her own, independent. Then, of course, the Dad THROWS THE BABY UP IN THE AIR. Very instinctively! Whoa! thinks the baby. Life is ALSO scary and exciting, but I can trust that my Dad will catch me. The father tries to prepare the child for life, toughen them up a bit, let the child discover their own strength. Let the child know they can make it on their own. [Sr. Helena commented to the online group attending Fr. Loya's class that she marvels that men never drop their babies! A Dad said: "We actually do worry about that." Ha ha.]

The Church is not patriarchal, it has a patriarchal DIMENSION. If we look at power only, then that's all we care about, that's the only thing we value. But the HEAD is only one part of the body! Where would a head be without a BODY, a HEART? D-E-A-D.

When we only measure the externals-only aspect of a child's development, we are buying into an all-male paradigm! (And yet the article said we don't need men!) When women value only power, they obliterate their own femininity. [And deny that they have a different kind of power! Any which way you slice it, this article is nuts and self-negating, and guess what—womanhood ALWAYS loses when we try to get rid of men, because WE NEED EACH OTHER. Manhood also loses when they try to get rid of women. Or rather, when we either settle for or desire caricatures—of whatever kind--of each other.]

Fr. Loya says: When someone starts with "The Church is patriarchal," a soundbite can be: "Thank God, the Church has a patriarchal dimension to serve womanhood!" Patriarchy manifests the spousal meaning of the body.

Mother and Father bring different essential principles to the child. [Bishop Cordileone—lion-hearted defender of marriage—said that a way to win over the younger crowd who think "gay marriage" is OK, is simply to say: "Children need both a father and a mother." This makes sense to them, especially since many of them have personally experienced the absence of a parent through divorce or something else.]

A way to capture words/phrases: Answer like the Irish do, with a question: "Oh really now?" "Is that so?" so you can slow it down.

[We need to distinguish between what the Church really teaches and the bad practices/behaviors that have cropped up, no matter how ingrained.]

How did Jesus exercise power? [On the Cross, in His vulnerability, doing the will of the Father.] What is the real power of the Church? Monasticism because it is the pulse of the health of the Church. It is all about prayer and being in the closest contact with God. JP2G says this in his encyclical "Light of the East." Monastics also invented hospitals (St. Basil the Great—Eastern Church)

Women in public positions in society humanize and personalize things. One area where men still dominate: custodian [the Garden!] and engineers. [During the Stanley Cup, one woman sportscaster interviewed TROY BROUWER of the Blackhawks. "Now, your Dad was very sick, wasn't he? We tend to think of you guys as machines out there on the ice, but you're human, too." Troy was pleasantly surprised and said in all seriousness: "Yeah, we have feelings, too." And then started to talk about his Dad.]

Feminism had three great movements in history:
1. Property
2. Voting (full participation in civic life)
3. Gender Feminism—anti-male, anti-life, but denying femininity at the same time and trying to become men, and eventually denying the sexual difference all together [Androgyny Feminism]

["The early stages of 20^th century feminism drew unfortunate parallels between masculinity and patriarchy, but it is important to keep in mind that they are not the same thing. The masculine, like the feminine, is an inner energy, a form of consciousness. It is what Jung called Logos, and it incorporates judgment, discrimination, reason and a will to action. Since the dawn of patriarchy, we have not culturally or individually experienced a healthy, authentic masculinity. It has been relegated to the same dark underworld as the feminine by the insistence on POWER as the overriding force in patriarchal cultures." –Kathleen A. Brehony "Awakening at Mid-life" I don't totally agree with her assessment here, but this is a completely secular psychology self-help book. It goes on to say that we desperately NEED the presence of fathers in the family!]

Ralph J. Burns, Sr. (12/25/1901--2/6/2003) R. I. P.

Sr. Helena's Pops (who was VERY essential).

[One last thought: fathers/husbands MUST be essential, if God gave St. Joseph to Mary & Jesus. Amen.]

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DVD: “ARCHBISHOP FULTON J. SHEEN—SERVANT OF ALL”

The new one-hour documentary, "Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen—Servant of All," is a succinct and inspiring introduction to the life and work of the Servant of God. The DVD was produced by the diocese of Peoria, IL, who are very enthusiastic and eager that their native son reach the glory of the altars! What is more important to the makers and collaborators on this film, is that Sheen be known by a new generation of Catholics.

What is Sheen most known for? For being a media priest, and later a media bishop. He was the only priest ever to be offered a religious show on prime-time TV. "Life Is Worth Living," a mixture of humor and religious instruction, became so popular (even beating out "Mr. TV" himself, Milton Berle, in the ratings) that Sheen also has the distinction of the being the only priest with an Emmy for "Most Outstanding Personality." He may well be the only priest with an Emmy, period. The Jewish Milton Berle, known as "Uncle Milty" on his TV show, had no problem sharing the limelight with Fulton Sheen, and began calling him "Uncle Fulty."

Fulton Sheen was many things. He was a great American. From humble Midwestern roots he became a brilliant scholar (the first American to garner a super-doctorate at the University of Louvain) and mesmerizing teacher (Catholic University of America) who never lost the common touch. Early on his priestly life, his obedience was tested by his Peoria bishop who assigned him to a tiny, poor, immigrant parish before letting him teach. Sheen threw himself into the role of pastor, preaching dynamically, doing home visitations and bringing people back to the Church until—within nine short months—the community was flourishing.

Sheen was equally prodigious and noted for his practice, from ordination on, of making a daily Holy Hour in front of the Blessed Sacrament, no matter how inconvenient or how tired he was. Many seminarians and priests as well as laity have followed his shining example. Sheen was faithful to this intimate colloquy with "Our Blessed Lord," till the day he died, appropriately, in front of the Blessed Sacrament.

In addition to authoring sixty-six books, Sheen travelled all over the world preaching. He was greeted by immense crowds, but the adulation never went to his head. He took a tremendous interest in the poor of the world, as well as the poor of America, and had a habit of giving everything away. Everything. Money, any gift he received, his own coat. Among many diverse activities, he was the head of the Society for the Propagation of the Faith, reminding Catholics that they are missionaries by virtue of their baptism. His paychecks, royalties, and the many monetary gifts people entrusted to him were handed over instantly to the Society. He never even looked to see the amounts on the checks (a Sister who worked with him testifies that it in the end it totaled about $17 million). Most people are aware of Sheen's practice of the spiritual works of mercy, but it may have been equaled by his practice of the corporal works as well.

Sheen's influence on the Catholic Church in America and the world is not measurable, let alone on those outside the Catholic Church. I once met an old Black minister on the south side of Chicago who loved Sheen. He told me: "You wouldn't even know he was Catholic!" (The minister meant because he was preaching Jesus and the Scriptures!) There is a statue of Sheen inside Rev. Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral in Orange County, CA, along with all the other great American preachers like Billy Graham! Witnesses say that Sheen never missed an opportunity to engage every individual he came in contact with and talk to them about Jesus.

After Vatican II, Sheen became convinced that the renewal of the Church would come through the renewal of the priesthood, and dedicated himself to giving retreats to priests all over the world.

The documentary glides lightly (as did Sheen in his life and writings) over the intense and tragic jealousies and misunderstandings Sheen endured from his fellow clergy and even bishops, but it is clear that it caused him the greatest suffering. However, his moment of vindication came when Pope John Paul II (who learned English in part from Sheen's tapes) embraced him in St. Patrick's Cathedral, NYC, in 1979, shortly before Sheen's death, and told him: "You have spoken and written well of Jesus Christ. You are a loyal son of the Church." What more resounding affirmation could Sheen have received? The Sister being interviewed for the documentary attests that Sheen was deeply moved by this. I remember this incident clearly (from my playpen). Things were so crazy in the U.S. Church in the 70's, and Sheen was often treated like an anachronism, hopelessly outdated. But faithful adult Catholics around me still loved him, treasured him, and held him up to us young 'uns. They totally read between the lines of JP2G's warm gesture, and the image of these two great men of God was seared on my two-year-old imagination. (Alright, I was a little older than two.)

No less than thirty-three people are interviewed for the film, including relatives, admirers, bishops and priests who knew him, and even Regis Philbin! Fulton Sheen's fervor and well-crafted catecheses live on today in his books ("Peace of Soul" and his "Life of Christ" are particularly touted), as well as his continuing audio, radio and video presence. May he one day be declared a (truly American) saint!

For copies of the DVD, contact:

Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen Foundation
Diocese of Peoria
P.O. Box 728
Peoria, IL 61652-0728
309-671-1550 x 309 OR 877-71-SHEEN
swoiwode@sheencause.org
www.archbishopsheencause.org

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BLESSED JAMES ALBERIONE FILM

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172 N. MICHIGAN AVE., CHICAGO IL, 60601

HAWKSOME!!!!!

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AYAAN ALI HIRSI AND PHILOSOPHY

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Ayaan Hirsi Ali
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

Yes, she's an atheist--but remember she became an atheist because of the faith-tradition she came out of: Islam. It was a reaction to Islam. She experienced FGM (female genital mutilation) at 5 yrs old. If you don't know what that is, Google it. It's horrific. She hangs with the atheist crowd: Dawkins, Hitchens, Harris, etc., but, if I'm not mistaken, Rick Warren ("Purpose-Driven Life") was enlisted to help pay for her 24-hr security! She is also a fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.

What we really need to listen to her for is our own American principles that are being thrown to the wind. She loves this country more than many Americans. She understands the good philosophical principles we were founded on and wants those to spread (in a special way to liberate women in Islam). She has great ideas and solutions for us. She is warning us about playing with crazy ideas like allowing Sharia law in Muslim neighborhoods in the U.S. and Britain. I think she is in a very unique position to be listened to: African (Somalia), female, experienced the worst of Islam, speaks English, was in politics (Dutch parliament), and is under the death-ban like Rushdie was. Very calm, intelligent and articulate. She says what no one else will dare: "some ideas are better than others." WOW. Go Ayaan!

I think Colbert was truly evangelizing her in his own kooky way. Every so often his "character" coincides with his Catholic Faith and I think he goes for it. In a humorous, postmodern way. Go Stephen! (Notice she doesn't say she was at a Catholic church when she took the "wafer," but Stephen just went with it as though she was....)

Ayaan is not really about being anti-God. She is anti-oppression. She is pro-human dignity. Notice she names philosophers as people she looks up to (albeit philosphers with flawed philosophies: Locke, Mills....) If anything, philosophy is her religion, and she admires the philosophers/phies that this country is founded on. As Catholics, we know that our founding American democratic principles are very, very good, although not perfect. Some would argue that the seeds of our own destruction are embedded in these principles, but if the citizenry has good philosophy/religion, I believe that can't/won't happen. And of course they have to elect the right leaders.

Read her books!!! "The Caged Virgin--An Emancipation Proclamation for Women in Islam," "Infidel" (autobiography), "Nomad--A Personal Journey through the Clash of Civilizations."

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